And so I will give you the tail of my lunch today:
The Quest to Make a Tuna Sandwich
One of our cafeterias has started to keep good bread in stock. And by good I mean loaves that bear resemblance to baguettes. Whether that resemblance goes any further than their oblong shape is up for debate. Regardless, it's an improvement I'm grateful for.
So as I was sitting in my 11:00am philosophy class, pondering how I should handle my next meal as I am keen to do, I was struck by a divine vision: a glorious tuna sandwich on relatively glorious bread.
After class let out, I embarked to our cafeteria specializing in this bread and got to work. The baguettes were looking perfectly decent, so I cut myself a piece. That step went well, but that's about all that went smoothly.
At the sandwich bar, I was greeted, not by tuna salad, but by our cafeteria's dreaded specialty, Turkey salad, or "Turkey a la paste" as I like to call it. To the untrained eye, the two would look similar: both are beige and have the consistency of cat food. But I had made that mistake before and lord knows I won't make it again. But I already had my bread, so I was in too deep to turn back at this point, a sandwich was going to happen whether it wanted to or not.
"I can just settle for normal cold-cut turkey, I suppose", The optimist in me said.
As though to punish me for slandering its salad-ified cousin, a girl slides right in as I'm contemplating meating my sandwich and takes the last of the Turkey. Leaving crumpled ham (sketchy), squares of mortadella (sketchier), and bologna (?) (sketchiest).
I was forced to think quick, lest I look like a fool with bread in his hand but no plan for it. I was frantically searching for an answer when it hit me, I knew what I had to do. The cafeteria across campus was sure to have tuna salad still! But was I really willing to go that lengths to make a sandwich that would surely turn out no more than a step above decent?
Yes. Yes I was.
So I filled the portion of baguette with a dollop of mustard (the increment of mustard I work in), lettuce, tomatoes, onions, and cheese, and wrapped it all in napkins to take with me as though I was in some sort of actual rush and not just obsessive when it comes to sandwiches.
When I got to the other cafeteria, I was greeted by tuna salad with an unethical amount of mayo in it, but I had come so far that it was no matter. I pulled out my ready to fill shell of a sandwich and put that tuna salad right in. Haters in the sandwich line were trying to front like I was crazy, but I really knew they were jealous.
And boy, let me tell you, that sandwich was pretty damned average.
Rating:
- Taste: 5/7 peppers - the mustard did a lot of heavy lifting for this one
- Presentation: 3/7 - the tuna salad spilling out the sides of the baguette was a bit too 'in your face' for me.
- Creativity: 7/7 - The lengths gone to create this sandwich are previously unheard of. Stellar and ground-breaking performance by myself.
- Choice Criteria of the day = Degradation: 7/7- The same lengths I had gone to create this sandwich also made me question a lot of my priorities.
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