Drunken Lies

Today was a pretty typical Monday, which is bad enough in itself, but I also stayed up until 4:00am the night before to finish a paper that I learned later that day would only be a rough draft for peer review...

But there's always lunch as a quick pick-me up! What wonders would the world of cafeteria dining hold for me today? A quick look at the menu online had me deciding between pork loin and drunken noodles. Normally pork loin is a good thing, but when you've had to use pints of mustard to add any semblance of moisture to the cut of meat you become wary of it as a food option. I also have a crippling weakness for Asian food regardless of quality. Seriously, if soy sauce is a reasonable topping I will indulge. And so, the decision was made.

I get to the cafeteria and there is the wonderful Trudy waiting to serve me the Asian goodness. Trudy does nothing but smile and ask you how your day was, a mom away from mom. Automatic +1 pepper points for whatever meal she serves.

She spoons a pile of vegetables and shaved pork onto my plate covered in an indistinguishable brown sauce (which she'd later reveal as ginger sauce accompanied by a wink). Upon sitting down I looked at my meal: zucchini, squash, carrot, pork, a few other assorted vegetables.... but no noodles!

My head reeling from the lies I had been fed, I struggled to piece together the shambles of my lunch in a meaningful  way. That's when my friend, as if by divine intervention, revealed a gateway to salvation: bread. By putting the saucy stir-fried subject into a slice of ciabatta, a half decent sandwich would result. All was well.

I should mention that I also got curried lentils, but it was more of a lentil paste. When I tried dipping the bread, what resulted was what I imagine the slop medieval peasants in movies ate. I guess that was kind of a cool experience in that light?

The Ratings:

• Taste: 4/7 - The ginger sauce (wink) was kinda tasty but really starchy the pork was kind of sketchy, definitely leftover from some other dish
• Presentation: 4/7 - The shredded veggies really managed to fool me into thinking I was actually getting drunken noodles... Crafty mofos
• Creativity: 6/7 - Some of the greatest innovations are made under times of great stress, such as finding out your drunken noodles has no noodles
• Choice Criteria of the Day = Cultural Diversity: 7/7 - Drunken noodles + Ciabatta + Curried Lentils = Multiple slighted cultures in a single fell swoop
• Overall: 5.25/7 - It was definitely food.